Bring Back That Lovin' Feeling

Before I had kids, I didn't know exactly what kind of mum I wanted to be. Slowly, as the kids grew, and so did I, I dug deeper and deeper into my own memory banks, and asked myself what my own parents would have done in each situation.

There were things that I agreed with ("You're in charge of your own homework, dude!") and things that I didn't (let's just say I am stricter than they are!), but one thing stood out: I wanted to be a fun parent, just like they were when I was a kid, and how they are fun grandparents now.

I wanted to bring them for picnics, for treasure hunts, on long walks, play at beaches, explore different playgrounds, teach them to skip pebbles on the water... all these fun things, which to be honest, are really challenging at times without a car.

But being a fun mum - it's something I strive very hard to do. Every single day I ask myself if there's somewhere we could go to explore. We don't always make it out of the house but the thought still comes to me every single day. And then work came along for me, and school for them, and slowly, ever so slowly, these fun times just somehow got snatched away from us.

Everywhere we went, we spent more time getting ready, and more time in transit than actually being at the venue. And when we're there, I'm looking at my watch half the time, worrying about being home in time for bed. In other words, I became the opposite of the fun mum I had set out to be.

But today, Small Girl and I had a morning out, just the two of us, and I rediscovered how much I enjoyed spending time out with her without any agenda. We went to the museum because she asked to, we took the train there and the bus back because she asked to, we moved at her pace, we shared a slice of green cake because she wanted to. We even played with vending machines, something which I almost always pull the kids away from, simply because we 'don't have the time to stop for this'.




Many a time, I'm guilty about not spending enough time with the firstborn, because she's the one who's had me 'taken away' from her. Small Girl doesn't know any other life but this, to have a sister to share her mother with. But Big Girl remembers a time when it was just me and her. And so I often try to make it up to her by going on special dates with her. I love these dates, I do, but I'm beginning to panic because there will come a time when I'll feel guilty about not spending enough time with the little one as well.

Oh, Motherhood!

It's hard to explain - we go out often, the three of us, but it's hard to really enjoy something in depth when one's attention is split. When we're out together, I'm always chasing after one or the other.

But the kids are growing, and I'm also learning along the way, so hopefully, one day soon, we will be able to go out and enjoy each others' company in a less hurried fashion. But in the mean time, Fun Mum is back in action! Well, her spirit is willing, at least.